These findings were based on a study of two thousand college students, six hundred of whom were from divorced families. Children whose parents move away after divorce tend to suffer from a higher degree of hostility, stress, and less satisfaction from their lives. It is estimated that 17 to 25% of custodial parents move out of the area within the first two years after divorce. In For Better or For Worse, E. Hetherington and J. Kelly reported custodial mothers moved four times in the first six years after the divorce.

The responsibility falls on the courts to reconcile the competing demands of parents. Parents do not necessarily relocate because they want to deprive the other parent of seeing their child. Often parents move for such reason as not having a support system of their own, financial needs, better paying job, babysitting assistance from grandparents or simply to get away from a harassing parent.

Sort It All Out
How does one parent form a working relationship with the other to keep the children out of the middle? Retaliation and unreasonable demands can have a negative impact on the child after the divorce. Parents must make their decisions based on the best interests of their child, not the other way around. Do not put your child through more pain than he or she is experiencing right now. Be civil in making the decisions regarding visitations, band, summer camp, gifts, and money as well as disciplining methods.

Little children need more frequent and intensive contact with the non-moving parent to develop healthy attachment. Limited interactions such as once-in-six month visitations could hinder their ability to develop the needed attachments. A driving distance of more than 75 miles can create considerable barriers between a child and the nonmoving parent. Some relocated parents spend more time with their children than they did before the divorce.

If you can't settle your disputes between just the two of you, try using a mediator. Beware of an attorney that is trying to get you all "pumped up" for the court battle. If you do take the mediation option, engage in it with a good attitude and calm mind. Have you heard the saying, "If you can't take a decision, a decision will be made for you?" If both parents don't come to an agreement over a decision regarding their child, the court will!

Don't let someone else dictate how your child should live. We lose control over our family when our anger gets the best of us. Showing respect to one another is the greatest gift parents can give to their children. Do not place your child in a position to choose or become vulnerable because of your disputes. Create co-parenting and post-divorce harmony can help them grow into functional adults.