The Dynamics of Divorce and Moving On
The internal war and struggles of an impending divorce is never a pleasant experience. Both sides have to face the responsibilities of making arrangements for your property, kids, and support. In this process, you must find a way to keep the peace if conflicts arise.
‘Paperwork Divorce’
Keep in mind, the law is basically used to enforce a decision in a case once a disagreement is taken before the courts. One of the objectives to consider is to reach a written agreement with your spouse to get all terms suited for the children’s best interests. The legal aspect of divorce comes to an understanding of what both parties expect from the separation.
Real Divorce after Paperwork
Your real divorce is about ending one life and beginning another, then making it work — spiritually, emotionally and practically. The real divorce requires breaking old habits by making a new life and seeking a new center for balance. An understanding of some basic things about the functions of the real divorce works will help you deal with this life altering stage for your family.
Your feelings are the most real thing in your life right now; the tasks you face very real: how to get by financially, how to rearrange the parenting of your children, what to say to family and friends, what to do next, and so on.
Challenges of a Real Divorce
Emotions: This is about breaking (or failing to break) the bonds, patterns, dependencies, and habits that attach you to your ex-spouse. It’s about learning to let go of anger, fear, hurt, guilt, blame, and resentment. You learn about past mistakes so you don’t have to repeat them. You develop a balanced view of yourself, ex-spouse, and marriage. You create self-confidence and openness to new intimate relationships.
Physical: Our minds and bodies are not separate and life does not come in these neat boxes. Emotions — especially strong ones that are ignored, denied or repressed — are frequently expressed physically. Divorce causes a lot of tension and nervousness. Divorcees get ill frequently and have accidents. This is a time when you must take extra good care of your health, pay close attention to your body, and be alert of your surroundings.
Practical: This is about taking care of business on the physical plane — including the legal divorce. It’s the nuts and bolts of what to do, where to go, and how to get there as you begin to build a new life. You need to create safety and security for you and your children; to make ends meet in a new life-style that produces what you need. Re-creating your life is demanding, hard work, but it may be the most important thing you ever do.
The real divorce is the next step to finding a new place for you and your children to continue to grow. Growth after paperwork is essential in letting your children realize that you will be there if you are needed. The children’s interest always comes first in the real divorce; do not let them down or your chance for a new life.
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